Toby and I have always been deeply connected. We’ve journeyed lifetimes together. A wise old soul who’s always been such a mirror for me… one of my greatest teachers. These days he’s been mentoring me more deeply on faith, surrender and what it truly means to be a sovereign being.

After he was diagnosed with 2 types of cancer and we were met with a not-so-great prognosis, I was overcome with anticipatory grief and spent about a week wailing on the ground. During that time, I literally felt a force move up my spine and through my body and then out my mouth – a release I couldn’t control and was long awaited.

I realized this was an initiation… a dark night of the soul, if you will.

Once I got that out of my system, I could see things more clearly. The whispers of my inner knowing were louder than ever before. I felt more grounded. More convicted. More sure of myself – in spite of all the fear and pushback I was getting projected/mirrored back at me.

For years, I’ve been a stand for women in reclaiming their health and sovereignty over their own bodies. But, did I truly believe this?

Do I truly believe that we have full autonomy over our bodies?

Did I really trust the body’s desire and ability to heal?

Was I willing to walk my talk when the stakes felt really high?

Nothing like testing your belief system in the midst of emotional chaos!

As soon as I committed to my YES, the path became clear.

The knowledge and support I was seeking showed up in an instant. What seemed impossible became possible and I’ve expanded my capacity to do things I never thought I could. (Performing daily wound care was extremely scary for me at first and now I’m doing it.)

Through this experience, Toby has not only taught me to trust myself more deeply but to also trust him and his autonomy. Every day, he’s been demonstrating his will to live and I trust that more than any doctor telling me his time is up. And, when he tells me he’s ready to transition, I will trust that too.

But, for now we’re going to eat good food, lay in the grass, receive reiki and watch the clouds pass through. Cuz, that’s how we rolling these days. 🌥🌳🙌